Mar 28, 2010

How FUCKED is this?

I'm just giving up on men and boys (aren't they just all boys anyway?)... Can I be celibate for the rest of my life?

To give you the short story: military guy went to the bar WITH me and my friends, he saw someone from high school and talked to her all night pretty much, when ever we would go up to talk to him she would run away. ** CLUE** something was going on...

He comes home with me and says he has the girls keys in his pocket, I FUCKING DRIVE HIM BACK TO THE BAR. (ya I know fucking retarded of me) He is talking to her for what feels like 3 minutes, I counted down 5-4-3-2-1 and he finally got in the car. At this point I could totally tell what was going on and fully expected him to say "Hey you know what, I'm just going to go home with her"  that comment didn't happen until we got back to the house and an hour later, after  him telling me how much he liked me and how well he thought of me,etc. a.k.a. BUNCH OF BULL SHIT! I called him out on going a seeing that girl. I was right of course. I told him to go and have fun, but she probably isn't going to fuck as well as me and might be a stage 5 clinger. I should have just shut my mouth, he really didn't give two fucks about my opinion at that time.

I told him that's why I don't ever let my guard down and finally the person I choose to let it down for he screws me over. Now yes, I was trying to give him a bit of a guilt trip but it was very true at the time. I haven't cried over a guy in so long I don't even know how to cry over a guy anymore.

I deleted his number from my phone but I would really love to talk to him about how much it hurt me... or should I?!?

I'm so sick of guys. What would you do in this situation?

I'm probably still drunk writing this message because I couldn't get any sleep. It just kept playing over and over through my mind.

Mar 13, 2010

Got a job at the nursery across the street from my new place... DUDE! Working around flowers, working outside, getting a tan, blah blah blah... AMAZING!!

I think my $ugar is going to be put on hold for a bit.

I got a fish. He is pretty.

Sofa is coming later.

So, that's life right now. Renewed my membership for SD.com, Who knows if this is going to work, again...

Mar 6, 2010

What is going on with me?

Have you ever felt like you give a piece of your heart and soul to everyman you have sexual relations with?

I'm feeling that right now, I think I have mad feelings for Military guy. I just can't figure him out, which I usually read men right off the bat and can tell exactly what they are thinking when they are starting to think about it. I think he can't figure me out either and I might know why...

He used to be a quasi sugar baby! YES, it came up in conversation in between pausing an amazing movie. Although he never got an allowance and didn't even know he was being a sugar baby. I told him a little about SMY because I think wifey had called me from his phone since it was late and on a Friday night. Our calls are limited to weekdays during regular working hours. I'm too scared to text or call him back.

I got the feeling that Military guy was a little pissed off at this fact but was almost intrigued that I was smart enough to do something like this. He had made some snotty comment along the lines of "well I can't be your daddy" and halfway jokingly I said, "No, you're too young and don't have enough money to get your window fixed." I know, very low blow, but hey you mess with the bee she will sting you.

We have had almost some of the same experiences, sex is ok, but I don't think I turn him on enough... Maybe I'm just a fun little toy, like he is being for me. Am I over thinking this?

I feel like Belle/ Hannah from Secret Diary of a Call Girl in the past episodes with Duncan...

Any advice?

Mar 5, 2010

Short.... I know!

So Chitown called me last night while I was having fun with military guy... I was drunk and was loosing at pool... Yes I'm a bit of a shark. Anyway it was pointless banter that I wasn't interested in hearing. I acted like I couldn't hear him and just hung up... EWWWPSIES.

Military guy spent the night again. I get to go ride tomorrow... hopefully! I'm soooooo sleepy... I never get any sleep because I'm a very light sleeper and when I have someone else in my bed it's weird...

two midterms, two projects, two assignments due by this coming week... FML

Can't wait to see SMY, and all the other boys in my hometown. Can't wait to get my microwave. Can't wait to see mi madre....

I think I'm developing feelings for military guy... SHIT!

Mar 1, 2010

What?

I think my relationship with SMY is becoming more developed than I had thought. I had said something along the lines of "Have you ever thought about this crazy thing called a future together?" I know, I stopped myself mid sentence and said "Never mind it's really dumb, next subject." He insisted that I go on... His reaction shocked me. I thought he would be freaked out, but I think honestly he cares a lot about me. I mean a close second to his son. "Nicole, I have considered a future together, and honestly I think we would be great for each other, I mean look how much we talk each day, and we always have something to talk about." AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WHAT?!?!?!

I told him I'm coming back to my hometown in 10 days. He is counting down the days, so cute! I asked him if he had an extra microwave because I don't have one right now... You never know how bad you need one until you don't have one... He says we can go have lunch (SUSHI PLEASE) and go by target and get one... How adorable! "Girls can't live without a microwave, that's just ridiculous." Maybe I can get a red one to match my coffee maker!

Date with homeboy, military guy was fun! Tied at pool and he spent the night. He is such a gentleman. Amazing at cuddling. I'm supposed to get a massage later this week!

Till then my sugar dumplings...
Luv y'all mean it!
Nicole
xoxo